"That Marriage" By Christiana Osun

A marriage just because it's expected of me!!!
The year 2017 is gradually coming to an end and some 'bae this', 'bae that' tweets will start surfacing, especially since Bella Naija isn't taking a chill pill even after the most anticipated wedding of the year: #BAAD2017 , and the asoebi styles are getting more competitive than creative. Shiloh has come and gone and some are waiting for the manifestations of their marital breakthroughs.

It's less than 3 weeks to the end of the year and those of us ending the year still single know ourselves. Lol.

"Bisi! Awon oko nko?" (literally meaning; "Bisi! How are the husbands?")

The common narrative for the average Nigerian daughter is: Primary school - Secondary school - University/ Service year - Marriage - Children. Oh! Some form of vocational training might be embedded somewhere between the secondary school and university days.  God forbid it that marriage isn't in your plan.
Those of you who lived with finalists at one point or the other of your stay in the university should understand what I mean. It's baffling to see girls already planning out their marriage, 'aso-ebi' colours etc. I mean, graduate first.
As a student I have come to get used to the phase; "What if your husband..." Trust me, when I say it gets tiring. Living in the hostel, I have come to this generalized conclusion as I have moved from room to room over the course of my program that; as an African girl child, after school, there is nothing to look forward to except marriage; even if you don't want it, the society will liably and conveniently talk you into believing that's what's next for you.
In most Nigerian homes, a daughter is expected to bring her 'husband' home while she's still in school; Man! I thought we were 'civilized'. Sometimes, the parents, family, friends, do not bring up such matters but they insinuate it.
You begin to hear especially in the penultimate year:
"Bisi! Awon oko nko?" (literally meaning; "Bisi! How are the husbands?") or when a family friends' daughter is getting married you hear;
"See Shade, you will soon bring your invitation home like her." Or
"Hope you are not chasing them away sha?" The 'them' referring to guys that might have been approaching such a lady.
"Bisi! Awon oko nko?"  "Bisi! Awon oko nko?"

The funniest should be;
"Shey won sha n wa?"- directly translated to mean;
"Hope they do come?" This kind of question is when they no longer understand what's going on and can't picture any guy with such a lady.
All these makes a girl weary, partially or permanently loosing focus of what is real; knowingly or unknowingly. I have seen ladies begin to act more carefully around guys in their penultimate and final years, dress more sassy, start applying makeups, tend to be more outgoing, yuda yada yada.
I once asked a lady,
"Why all this marriage talks?" And she replied, "Don't you ever want to give birth?" I scoffed at her, and was really mad, an array of emotions kept flipping through me while I maintained a stern, unwavering and unsmiling look; 'Don't you ever want to give birth? The audacity!' If only it weren't true that people marry because of societal influence and religious prejudice, if only it weren't true that people marry to have a stable sex partner, if only people never married because if what people said it people will say, I'd not be this angry.
I don't want that marriage: A marriage for the sole purpose of a stable sex life. I don't want that marriage: A marriage consummated for the sake of child rearing. I don't want that marriage: A marriage just because it's expected of me. So, if that is the marriage I'll be offered, a marriage the the world expects of me; a marriage I am to participate in, I AM NOT INTERESTED.

Written by Christiana Osun.
Christiana is a lover of words. She's not just a reader, she's also a writer. She's sarcastic, fun loving, and a jack and master of most things creative. She has her website underway, so watch out.      
Instagram handle: _themillenniallady_  Facebook: OSUN Christiana Oluwadamilola  Email: krwistee@gmail.com